So, this is new.

It has been quite a while since my last blog. I thought I had given it up. I am sure you did too if you are reading this. I guess sometimes it takes something pressing, or all consuming in the mind to make me want to spill out on paper, or computer screen in this instance.

If you are reading this, and you know me, then I am sure you know I am pregnant. Very pregnant. More pregnant than I ever was with Ella. "They" say that every pregnancy is different, and every delivery is different (God, I hope that is true!), but there are some things you don't expect. Such as going over your due date when your first baby was 8 days early. Actually 10 days early going into labor and 8 days early being born.

My due date was yesterday. Or it was 3 days ago, depending on who is calculating it. But at any rate, I am at least 1 day overdue now. I know, I know, not a big deal. But try being the one who is pregnant and waiting, waiting, waiting. That due date is a far off date in the beginning. Something you know is coming. An end point way off in the future. Everyone asks, "when are you due?", oh, "not till October 8th". And then October 8th gets closer and closer. "When did Ella come?" "Oh, she was early, then this baby will probably be early too". And then early comes and goes. Then the due date comes and goes. Every second is a constant reminder that there is a baby inside, growing more and more every day that needs to come out. Every person that I see or talk to is a constant reminder that it is not over yet. Everyone is well meaning, everyone says exactly what I would be saying, "still no baby?", "any signs at all that it is getting closer?" "Do you think she has dropped yet?", "Any contractions?". What else can they say? There is not much else to say. There is not much else to talk about. I guess it would be rude if they ignored the obvious monstrosity of my ever growing belly, the frustration in my face. Part of me wants to hole up in the house and stay hidden until the end. The other part of me needs the love and support of my friends and family and need them around me.

Some good things about this baby waiting to come out:
1. Eli was able to mostly finish the projects in the house he was frantically working on.

2. I was able to get some belly pictures taken with Ella (something I didn't think I would end up having time to do)

3. We got to go to Hickory Nut Gap farm yesterday with "the fam" and Ella took her first real pony ride!

4. There is no baby yet, so overall, I am getting more sleep, more rest, and Ella still gets to be the center of attention.

Some of the down sides:
1. I am still pregnant.

2. I am still pregnant.

3. I still have labor to go through. or:
4. The later it goes, the higher chance of having to have a c-section.

I will let you in on a little secret. I really don't know if it would be that bad to have to have a scheduled c-section. I know that the best thing is to try for a VBAC (for those that don't know, that is a Vaginal Birth After C-section). If you don't have to be cut open and have your insides exposed to the outside air, that is a good thing. But....I went through A LOT of labor the first go round. A LOT. Enough for a couple of births. Enough transition for a couple births, enough pushing for a couple births. I have paid my labor dues so to speak. I don't want to go through it again. Period. I don't want an epidural either because I know the risks associated with that as well. I don't want a C-section. At least I am agreed on all aspects. I don't want any of them. So, what is a girl to do? A girl is to try to make the best, most well informed, best practice decision (which in this case is to intend for a natural, vaginal delivery), and then wait and see what happens. Maybe the decision will be out of my hands and I will have to have a c-section if I go too far past my due date. There would be a small relief in that. Out of my hands.

They all come out in the end. But when is the end? And then of course, the end is just the beginning. But that is a blog for another day.

The Latest and Greatest

I guess there might be a couple people out there in internet land that might be missing some of my blog postings. The problem with not posting very often is that there are just too many things to bring up to date.

So, I bring to you... The Latest and the Greatest.

Ella is perfect and beautiful. A beautiful little angel (and sometimes not so angel). Learning things faster than I can keep up with. It seems that some of the "real" parenting is starting to begin.

Christmas was amazing. What a beautiful white Christmas we had even with all the complaining from crotchety citizens who don't like the inconvenience and the logistics of having to deal with the snow. I thoroughly enjoyed it as did the rest of my little family.

Ella of course was overwhelmed with gifts and not quite sure what it was all about, but definitely got the hang of ripping paper off of things and finding cool toys, books, or clothes inside. I think she had about 3 or 4 Christmas's as she had to take breaks for napping and such.

We have a new puppy. I guess I should say, I have a new puppy. The missing of my Rottweiler Naomi got the better of me, and I decided, what better time to complicate our lives more with another dog, than this time? I could think of no better time, so..... introducing.... Ramona! A purely pure Rottweiler and she is getting along just fine in our humble home.

  

We have begun removing some walls and partial walls from our 1960's brick rancher. It is time to make this home our own. And to make more chaos, and dust, and stress, and work. Ah, house projects! How do I love thee!

So that is it. The Latest and the Greatest. I hope all is well with you.

Austin beautiful

I recently found out that my cat Austin has a mass in his belly. At first I just thought he was getting fat, but it was just not looking right. I took him in to the Pet Vet on Patton to have him checked out. My worried feelings became justified as she pulled almost a liter of fluid off of his belly and then was able to palpate a mass.

The sad part. My wonderful, sweet, affectionate, dog-loving, not really cat acting cat has cancer. He is too young I think, only a wee 12 1/2 years old, which is really not very old for a cat. I am tired of losing my pets before their time. I take such good care of my animals, feeding them the best food, cleaning their teeth, practicing preventative medicine, and yet I still can't manage to keep an animal until it is "old". I look for the day that I "wish" my animal would go ahead and die already. When they are old, blind, crotchety, deaf, arthritic, peeing and pooping on themselves.....But then again, that has all it's own heartache and trouble. I guess sometimes it is nice to only remember your animal as a healthy, happy, totally senile being even if their life is cut a little too short. There is no easy way to lose an animal. 

The beautiful part. Animals don't know that they are sick. Austin has no idea that he has cancer and so has no sadness, no depression, no feeling sorry for himself. He is still acting like the same ol wonderful cat Austin. He is still eating, drinking, and being merry. He can live his life in the moment and enjoy each minute because he has no look into the future. If this were a human being that just found out they had cancer there would be so much emotional turmoil, life itself would change for them. But for a cat, he feels no different today than he did yesterday. Beautiful.

Austin, you are a beautiful cat. 

A dog's love: A tribute to Naomi

Sometimes a dog comes along that really settles into your heart. I have had quite a few dogs over my life so far and I have lost a few as well. They are all very hard to lose, and many tears have been shed over the loss of each one. But sometimes, if you are lucky enough, there is one that really holds a special place in your heart. To me, that dog was Naomi.

Three years ago this month, Naomi went on to wherever good dogs go after they die. I wasn't ready for her to go. Not that I would ever have been ready, but I felt that she was just too young. She was only 8, and I was prepared to lose her at 10, but not 8. 10 is the average lifespan of a Rottweiler, and she was so healthy, I thought for sure she would make it at least that far. 

Naomi came into my life at the perfect time. She was 2 days old and she needed someone to love her and to take care of her. Everyone told me she would probably die. She was hardly moving, and she was cold. Her mother had neglected her and her siblings had pushed her out. But I had to try. So with love, I fed her with a tube and I got up every few hours to feed her. I wiped her rear to help her use the bathroom and slowly she started to get stronger and to grow. 

Over the years, Naomi was with me through many life changes. Through many transitions, heartaches, loneliness, as well as joys and accomplishments. She helped to take care of me as I took care of her. She was always there for me and she always kept me safe when I was alone or scared. 

When my life finally started to come together, and the changes and transitions were settling down. That is when she decided it was okay to leave me I guess, because that is when she became ill. 

I tried everything I could to ease her suffering and try to prolong her happy existence. But when the day came when she would no longer play with her beloved tennis ball, I knew that the joy she found in life was gone. And so, with the same love that nursed her to health when she was only days old, I made the decision to help her out of this world. 

I gave a lot to Naomi over the years that I was able to walk along beside her, but she gave me so much more. 

Naomi, you are missed.