This post is not about adoption or about Ella.

This post is just about me.

I had a great day today. I got to sleep in a little today because Eli took little Ella when she got up this morning and I was able to get a few extra Zzzzzs. Then I had a great French Toast breakfast which my wonderful husband also made for me. Then, I was able to go out to Pisgah and ride on this beautiful day with one of my best friends in the whole world. Afterwards, I bought a Pepsi and fritos and ate them in the car after the ride. Got to love fritos and pepsi. A marriage of yumminess in my mouth. Returned home to a smiling and happy baby as she was waking up from her afternoon nap. Packed her up in the stroller and headed down to Carrier park to meet some of my mommy friends with babies around Ella's age, and  had a great time watching babies crawl all over each other. Returned home, fed the baby, got her ready for bed and then just had a nice dinner and enjoyed a beer with my hubby. Ahhhh, doesn't get any better than this.

Great blog on transracial adoption

This is a great blog written by an African American who was adopted and raised by white parents. He is a great writer and very insightful. He is also writing a book and it is almost finished. It is probably one I would like to read. Check out the blog if you have time.

http://mymindonpaper.wordpress.com

Is international adoption a form of consumerism?

This is an idea I have wrestling around with in my head. Is international adoption some form of imperialistic, American consumerism? We want to "buy" a baby? We want to choose the gender, we want to choose the skin color, we want to choose certain physical qualities. We want our family to look a certain way. We want to be exotic and have a "different" family. We want others to look at us and think, "wow, they have done such a great thing, taking a poor child with no other alternatives and raising them in our superior society."

This is a touchy and difficult subject I think. And this is a question that I do not have a great answer to at the moment. What drives us to look outside our borders to grow our families? Do we feel that is is "safer"? The child won't be taken from us by a birth parent who has changed her mind. We are also "safe" from having to deal with an open adoption. We don't want to share our child with another mother. We will feel better about ourselves, considering that we have performed something so "noble" as to adopt a child in need.

I can only examine my own heart and hope that my intentions are pure. Although I know there is some selfish aspects to our decision. As I said, this idea I have been wrestling around in my head for a while. What is driving me to want to look to another country to grow our family? At this point, here are my thoughts on the matter after serious contemplation.

We want to help a child in need. Are there children in need in this country? Yes. Many. But here comes the self admittedly selfish part. We want an infant so that we won't miss out on so much infant and baby fun and development. We want to minimize the amount of trauma and attachment issues that might come about from adopting an older child. Most of the need in the USA is adopting from the foster care system and likely we will be dealing with the before-mentioned issues. So, maybe a little bit selfish in that reasoning. Now, there is a need for families to adopt African American or biracial infants. Many of the adoption agencies actually offer decreased fees for these babies. But at this time, we are not certain that we are the best two people to raise an African American. There would be inherent issues that would arise, and issues to deal with concerning race and racism in America and that in and of itself is not much of a concern for us. But the problem is that we live in a predominantly white city and a predominantly white neighborhood and when we look around at our friends and neighbors, there is not much in the way of diversity of color. It is becoming much more common for white folks to adopt black babies and I am sure that once we went down that road, we would find ourselves drawn to and searching out support in our community. But at this point it is hard to see it around us.

So, that points us in the direction of international adoption. No one will argue with the fact that there are millions of babies and children around the globe that are in need of loving parents. The reasons are many, death and disease of parents, poverty and not being able to afford to feed another mouth, population control....

Yes, you can somewhat pick what you want your family to look like by deciding what country/ethnicity you wish to adopt from. There are Asian babies, African babies, Russian babies, Central American babies, the list goes on. It is almost like shopping for a baby. American consumerism? Or just leading with your heart? I think it is important to choose what you are drawn to. Is it wrong to be drawn to a certain look or characteristics? I think giving yourself every opportunity for complete and thorough bonding with the baby trumps the possible superficiality of desiring a certain look. If we weren't drawn to them, then we probably wouldn't adopt, maybe having more of our own babies to use more of the world's resources, or waiting in line to adopt a little white baby in the US. And there would be that many more babies and children suffering in the world without parents. There are so many variables to consider and ponder, but what it really boils down to is where is your heart leading you? And I think the answer lies there.

I would love any thoughts or comments on this from anyone out there that might be reading my blog.

Cutest little butt

I don't think I have ever seen anything as cute as Ella's little butt as she was crawling across the floor naked after her bath tonight. How can something so small just be so darn cute? I ask this, how? It is just a little being, unclothed, clean, sparkling and overflowing with life and exploring all that is around her. Crawl, one hand forward, then opposite knee.... slowly making it to her destination. So cute. No video of this, sorry.

Ella, Yogi, Waving

One more video for you fans out there. I know I just can't get enough. I am with her most days most of the day and still find myself watching the videos when she is sleeping. I think I am in love.

Ella and Dog water

Warning, if you are a germ-a-phob, you might not like this video. But come on, any video of Ella is worth watching.

Adoption cost

Do you know how much adoption costs?

A lot.

A whole lot.

Like, think of a number and then double it. Maybe triple it.

We are talking more money than I currently make in a year.

The average cost of adoption is about $20-25,000 either domestic or international. Some people end up paying $40-50,000! yowzahs! Ouch!

The current option we are pursuing is going to cost us about $35,000. Pocket change, right?

I am starting to wonder if people with our income do this. I guess I know that they do, but ouch! Where does that money come from? The federal tax credit will help. Hopefully end up paying for almost half, but we still have to front the money until we get the tax credit. And then there is the other half....
It just doesn't seem right to charge a baby on a credit card. The American way? Not for us. Eli would kill me. :) We are trying to get out of debt, not drown ourselves in more.

Grants? There are quite a few organizations that offer grant money for those in need. Here is a good list. We cannot apply until we have our home study though.... Well along our way into the process.... already committed to paying the exorbitant amount of money. How do you commit to something when you don't know where the money is going to come from? But you can't apply for the grants until you commit....What is up with that?
And then when you really start looking at the grant programs, there are quite a few that have pretty narrow eligibility criteria i.e. certain religious affiliations. Same with low/no interest loan programs.
Other options: home equity loans (what home equity?), borrowing against your 401K (not much there either), employee benefits (already checked that one - no), savings accounts (hm, that won't get us very far), fund raisers....now maybe that is an option. More thoughts on that one coming soon.

But really, one wonders, can we really afford to adopt? Why are we trying to do this when we can have our own? The answer is pretty simple to both questions. We can't afford to adopt a baby on our own. We need help. Be it grants, help from friends and family, low interest loans. Us adopting a baby is not just about us building our own immediate family. It is about helping out the world (I think, at least in my small view of things), and it is about bringing another person into our large family, including friends and extended family. We all benefit, right? And the answer to the second question is, it is just in our hearts, it is what we really, really want to do and it just feels right. But we can't do it on our own. We need help. Be it advice, contacts, emotional support, financial support, we need it all.
Thanks.