Austin beautiful

I recently found out that my cat Austin has a mass in his belly. At first I just thought he was getting fat, but it was just not looking right. I took him in to the Pet Vet on Patton to have him checked out. My worried feelings became justified as she pulled almost a liter of fluid off of his belly and then was able to palpate a mass.

The sad part. My wonderful, sweet, affectionate, dog-loving, not really cat acting cat has cancer. He is too young I think, only a wee 12 1/2 years old, which is really not very old for a cat. I am tired of losing my pets before their time. I take such good care of my animals, feeding them the best food, cleaning their teeth, practicing preventative medicine, and yet I still can't manage to keep an animal until it is "old". I look for the day that I "wish" my animal would go ahead and die already. When they are old, blind, crotchety, deaf, arthritic, peeing and pooping on themselves.....But then again, that has all it's own heartache and trouble. I guess sometimes it is nice to only remember your animal as a healthy, happy, totally senile being even if their life is cut a little too short. There is no easy way to lose an animal. 

The beautiful part. Animals don't know that they are sick. Austin has no idea that he has cancer and so has no sadness, no depression, no feeling sorry for himself. He is still acting like the same ol wonderful cat Austin. He is still eating, drinking, and being merry. He can live his life in the moment and enjoy each minute because he has no look into the future. If this were a human being that just found out they had cancer there would be so much emotional turmoil, life itself would change for them. But for a cat, he feels no different today than he did yesterday. Beautiful.

Austin, you are a beautiful cat. 

A dog's love: A tribute to Naomi

Sometimes a dog comes along that really settles into your heart. I have had quite a few dogs over my life so far and I have lost a few as well. They are all very hard to lose, and many tears have been shed over the loss of each one. But sometimes, if you are lucky enough, there is one that really holds a special place in your heart. To me, that dog was Naomi.

Three years ago this month, Naomi went on to wherever good dogs go after they die. I wasn't ready for her to go. Not that I would ever have been ready, but I felt that she was just too young. She was only 8, and I was prepared to lose her at 10, but not 8. 10 is the average lifespan of a Rottweiler, and she was so healthy, I thought for sure she would make it at least that far. 

Naomi came into my life at the perfect time. She was 2 days old and she needed someone to love her and to take care of her. Everyone told me she would probably die. She was hardly moving, and she was cold. Her mother had neglected her and her siblings had pushed her out. But I had to try. So with love, I fed her with a tube and I got up every few hours to feed her. I wiped her rear to help her use the bathroom and slowly she started to get stronger and to grow. 

Over the years, Naomi was with me through many life changes. Through many transitions, heartaches, loneliness, as well as joys and accomplishments. She helped to take care of me as I took care of her. She was always there for me and she always kept me safe when I was alone or scared. 

When my life finally started to come together, and the changes and transitions were settling down. That is when she decided it was okay to leave me I guess, because that is when she became ill. 

I tried everything I could to ease her suffering and try to prolong her happy existence. But when the day came when she would no longer play with her beloved tennis ball, I knew that the joy she found in life was gone. And so, with the same love that nursed her to health when she was only days old, I made the decision to help her out of this world. 

I gave a lot to Naomi over the years that I was able to walk along beside her, but she gave me so much more. 

Naomi, you are missed. 

Walking Walker

I thought when Ella starting standing, she would then just also start walking. It sure seemed like the next step so to speak. But she was just so good at standing, I guess she didn't want to mess it up by trying to walk.

Well, she is now finally choosing to walk. I say "choosing" because that is truly what she is doing. She "could" walk for quite some time. She would take little steps every now and then, but she has so many things that she needs to get done, and really a limited time to get them done, so crawling was just so much faster. There was just not enough time to walk.

But I guess after a while, the peer pressure got to her. She decided it was time to walk. So, now she is choosing to walk. If she can't quite make it by walking, then she still uses crawling as back-up. But decidedly, walking is the mode of locomotion of choice.

Here is a little taste.

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting

I think one of the hardest things to do is wait. And we Americans are not very good at waiting. When we want something, we want it now. That is why we have credit cards right? You don't need to wait until you have the money to buy something. Just buy it now and pay for it later!

Waiting at a stop light..... We hate that too. And so does the person behind you, especially if you don't go as soon as the light turns. I mean 2-3 seconds makes a huge difference in your day!

Waiting behind a bicycle on the road. That is a tough one too. I have had enough names thrown at me, gestures thrown my way, and honks, just because I am on my bicycle and they have to go around me. When they should be thanking me, I am saving the oil for them!

Waiting in line at the grocery store. I mean we all know we have better things to do than that!

Waiting for a page to load....now, that is almost unbearable! Thank God for high speed internet!

Waiting for the water to boil. Just need to stop watching it!

Waiting for someone to call you, or email you with very important information. Now, that is the worst. And of course that is where I am these days. Waiting, waiting, waiting, for that phone call, for that email, that tells us we can move forward with this move to Bent Creek. Waiting, waiting.....

I think it is so hard because we can't affect it. We can't change it. We have no power. We are at someone else's mercy. And that mercy is in the hands of Bank of America right now and that is a very scary thing indeed! Sometimes I don't even care if it is really going to happen or not, I just want the waiting to be over. I want the unsettledness to end. I want certainty, not uncertainty.

Maybe if I was not an American, I wouldn't care about waiting. I would just take a seat and enjoy.

But I am an American, and hate the

waiting, waiting, waiting.....

Standing Stander

Sometimes your child does something that you know, no other child has ever been able to do. Your child is so special. Your child surpasses all others. Your child is simply AMAZING!

Ella has accomplished the highest feat! She is standing!

Ok, so I know that all babies (normal development) learn to stand. They all do it. Maybe it is not so amazing, but I really think it is. I don't think any other baby has ever done it in such a cute way before....

It is an interesting phenomenon (if you can call it that), the emotions you feel as a parent. Seeing your child accomplish a milestone, and being so proud. Seeing the wonder and joy and excitement in your child's face as she learns to do something new. That is worth a million of anything valuable. Feeling like she just accomplished an extraordinary feat. Heart full of love and pride.

I hope that Ella continues to find such joy in life. I will do all I can to nurture and support in her in all she does whether it be standing, racing her first mountain bike, playing tea parties, or God forbid playing video games.

Ella, you rock!

The Unthinkable

Sometimes there are things that happen that one just can't keep to one's self. Sometimes they just must be shared although, maybe they are better left untold.

Today the unthinkable happened. The disgusting happened. The horrific happened. The grotesque happened.

Some of you (most likely those with kids) already know the tale that is about to unfold.

It was a quiet afternoon. Ella had just woken from her nap a short time earlier. I had taken off her diaper and put her on the potty, like I usually do. A little peepee, but no poopies this time. Hm, I thought, she hasn't pooped yet today. Oh well, I will let her go diaper free for a few minutes to air out the toosh. I am a good mommy. I give her plenty of time to get air flow to where air flow is minimal while wearing a diaper.

So, I waltzed into the living room to look up a phone number on the computer that I needed. So much to do to prepare for this house sale. It is awfully quiet. Too quiet.

"Ella? What are you doing?". Better go check. I walk into the kitchen where she is. Hm, "what's in your mouth?" Better yet, "what is that smell? Did you poopoo in your diaper?" Wait, she is not wearing a diaper. Wait, what is in her mouth?

OH MY GOSH.

Panic. What do I do? Should I wash her mouth out with soap? No, bad idea. Should I run her into the bathroom and put her in the shower? No, that would take too long, and then the dogs would eat the poop on the floor. AHHHHHHHHHH! Okay, put the baby in the sink. Wash it off of her. All of it. Just don't panic. Disgusting.

Sometimes it is an adventure being a mom. I am sure that others out there have similar stories to share. Maybe it is a right of passage. Maybe a baby really can't make it to adulthood unless they eat poop at least once. Maybe.

The next trip to Indiana

The next trip to Indiana will be a different trip. We will do this differently. Gone are the days of a quick weekend trip to Indiana. The little one who has made our lives so beautiful and full, makes taking a quick trip to the homeland of my husband a little less than easy.

It seemed like a good idea to leave at her bedtime. She would just go to sleep and we could log in some fast miles and get there around midnight. Most babies sleep in the car. Ella is not most babies. Ella is a girl with a routine. She is a girl that likes her bed. She is a girl that has always hated riding in the car. Some things just don't change.

2 1/2 hours into the trip, at 9:15 we decided to stop at a hotel. I couldn't take it anymore. My poor tortured daughter in the backseat, sucking her thumb, closing her eyes, and then just wailing every couple of minutes. Poor little thing just could not fall asleep. I was at my wit's end. I am not sure what a wit is, but I was definitely at the end of it.

We stop at a Day's Inn. I tell Eli that the dogs are not sleeping in the room, so it doesn't matter if they have pet rooms or not. We didn't need anything else to keep us awake once we finally settled in for the night. Apparently he didn't believe me because he told the guy we had two dogs and paid the $30 pet fee. I was not kidding. No dogs in the hotel room (and he was able to get the pet fee back the next morning when he convinced them the dogs did not set foot in the room).

Ella had a great time in the hotel room. At that point it was so far past her bedtime, she forgot she was tired and just crawled around the room, and laughed. (I tried really hard not to think about what was on the carpet). By 10:30 I was able to lay her down in the hotel crib and she fussed for about 30 seconds before falling asleep. Whew.

We got up the next morning at 6:45 AM and continued our trip. We almost just turned around and came home. But we didn't. The other part of the equation was that Eli has a whole list of many things to do to our house so that we can close at the end of the month. And he has very little time to do it. We almost just called the trip off to begin with because of how much there is to do. But Eli hates to let people down, and he had some family traveling a few hours to see us too. So away we went. The morning drive went better.

We arrived, and had some fun meeting Ella's new 5 month old second cousin, and seeing everyone else.
Fast trip. We left the next day so we could get back for Eli to work on the house. So we were in Indiana for slightly more than 24 hours. Fast trip.
The next thing we knew were back in the car heading home. Ella was a trooper, but only slept for 45 minutes of the whole 6+ hour drive. And I was completely worn out trying to entertain her. She was so happy to be back in her home and in her bed. Too much driving for such a short trip. It is not just Eli and me anymore. Jetsetting in the car for a weekend trip is not fair for a 10 month old.

So, the moral to the story is: no more quick weekend trips to Indiana with the baby. We take our time. Take stops along the way. Take some time off work. Do it right.

We did have some good times while we were there. Ella got to play in the little wading pool with her second cousins, we had a last minute early joint birthday party for her and her cousin Calli, and of course she had some good times with her Grandma! Oh, and don't forget the potato launcher that kept the boys busy for most of the day.

Ella eating banana

Ella likes bananas. Different from that first video a few months back when she first started eating. This girl likes her some banana. And she eats like her daddy.

More House Update

We did it. We signed the contract for selling our house. I didn't realize it would be this hard. I sat staring at the contract last night, fighting tears. This is what we wanted, right?

This journey has been an interesting and soul searching one. When we started this process, our priorities were: get larger house for ease of expanding family; get close to trails for ease of outdoor recreation; get larger yard for kids and pets; get house that needs less work than a 1920's bungalow. Over the past 1/2 a year or so, things have changed somewhat. Priorities revolve a little more around personal relationships, surrounding ourselves with people that we would like to emulate, that help us to want to become "better" people. Being close to Asheville community events, being able to walk to breakfast, ease of riding bikes to downtown for a nice, romantic dinner. Having a sunny yard in which we can grow tasty vegetables and fruits by the sweat of our brow.

We have a great place. There is no doubt about that. And we have the best neighbors anyone could wish for. Our neighbors have become some of our best friends and our anchor in a lot of ways. The moment I found out I was pregnant, I walked outside to talk to my neighbor across the fence because I was a little freaked out and needed someone to talk to. Not over the phone, but in person. She was there. The first few months of being a new mom, our neighbors were their for us. While I was a wondering, what in the world we had done by having a baby, they helped keep me grounded. She would just come over and sit with Ella and I, listening to my concerns and telling me that she had felt the same way at first, but it gets WAY better. And she was right! She was not lying to me. They are the kind of neighbors that when I see them out in the yard, I want to go outside and talk to them, not wait until they go inside so that I don't have to. There have been some very life changing and important events that have occurred while living in this house and while being next door to them. It has created a great bond, that otherwise would not have been created. Had we not lived next door to them, we would have been acquaintances, but not great friends. Living close makes becoming friends and keeping relationships easier. Less work. We don't have to make plans, work around schedules, make huge efforts. It is community at it's best.

So here we are. Just having signed the contract to sell our house. We are leaving this house and this neighborhood if all goes through as planned. We are leaving our neighbors.

Have our priorities changed? Is this why this decision has been such a difficult one when the rubber actually hits the road? I think they have in some ways. I spend more time with my baby and spending time with friends and family and less time pumping my legs in the woods. I go to local farmer's markets, take quick trips to the organic grocery stores, take more neighborly walks, then spending time in the woods these days. I am more centered around family and friends, and this neighborhood, this location, and my neighbors have helped to facilitate that.

So, I do feel that priorities have changed to a certain extent. I still love riding, walking, and running in the woods. I still feel that it is an important part of my life. And this move will make enjoying that part of my life easier. Bent Creek also has a great community and we have many friends that live in the neighborhood that I will become closer to as a result of the move. We will have more useable space, and a larger yard for kids and pets. We will create our garden space so we can continue to be in touch with and teach our children where food comes from. And we will make a great effort to maintain our relationship with our current neighbors that we will moving away from. They have helped us along on our path of self reflection and growth. S, N and K, we love you!

Video of Ella and Peeta

The Scary Bent Creek House

Time for an update on the house selling and buying situation.

Our lovely home has been on the market since sometime in January. We have had 47 showings. I think we deserve an award for the most showings in Asheville. But we have only had one offer. And we knew it would be true, we told ourselves we would probably regret not taking the offer, and of course we do. But at the time, it was the best thing to do. We thought we would get more offers. We thought we would get better offers. Ah, well, that is the way it goes.

So our plan was to take our house off the market May 1st. After the expiration of the first time home buyer's tax credit. We were done. We felt done. We were ready to settle in. We were ready to stay in our cute little West Asheville bungalow for the long haul. Planting our gardens, having dinner with the neighbors, walking to Haywood Rd, taking runs in the park..... But on April 30th, we had one more house to look at. We had made the appointment a week earlier. A friend who lives in Bent Creek tipped us off that a neighbor was going to be listing their home. So, like good, thorough people that we are, that like to make sure all options are investigated, I gave this person a call. One last look at one last house just couldn't hurt.

Well, we decided we want the house. Of course. They listed it with a realtor, but we were written in as exemptions before they listed, so we can buy it from the owners sans agent. Which means less money for us, more money for them. So we are working on a contract contingent on the sale of our home. So here we are, with our house still on the market, and now we really, really want to sell. We have figured out what our bottom line price is so that we don't have to pay money at closing (disregarding all the improvements we have made to the house, disregarding what we have paid on the balance) and we have adjusted our asking price accordingly. Last ditch effort. For 2 more months we will be dealing with more showings, more emotional roller coaster rides, more keeping the house as show ready as possible, more feeling like wanting to settle in and start working on house projects, but not being able to, more of the unknown. Of course, if their house sells (which they are still allowed to take other, better offers if one comes their way), then we are off the hook sooner and we just rip this baby off the market and be done with the whole thing.
Maybe.
There is of course the Scary Bent Creek House.
Like I said, we are thorough people and like to look at all of our options. So last night we went to look at one more Bent Creek house that was just listed. Why not, right? It is at the end of a dead end street, 1800+ sq feet, .6 acres, sold "as is", with listed price very, very good. "As is" can't be that bad....
Yes, it can.
Enter, the Scary Bent Creek House..... try not to touch anything (which is very hard to do, because there is a lot of stuff)....exit the Scary Bent Creek House.
Here are the short and sweet details. The house is in a sweet location. The house is a sweet size. The house has a lot of potential. That is if you can get past the current state of things. If you can get past what is going through your head of what might have been going on in that house. I will spare you all of the details, but it looked like a bachelor from h.e.double hockey sticks liked there. Maybe two of them. Nasty, nasty mess. Trash everywhere, empty bottles of prescription pain medication, parts of carpets torn out, holes in doors from angry fists. Gave me the major heebie jeebies. And I am pretty good at looking past a mess, seeing the potential, but I have to say, this was beyond even me. Supposedly the house had not been lived in for a year, but it looked like someone had been there sooner than that, living in that filth.
Maybe if someone came in and completely gutted the thing and started over. And I could forget what it looked like. Maybe it could work. Might be a sweet deal. Could be a good investment if the price is right.
If the other house sells before our house sells. If we decide to try one more option. We could try the Scary Bent Creek House.
Chaos. I think we secretly love chaos.

Sweatband Ella

Ella is the best baby I have ever had. Oh, wait, she is the only baby I have ever had..... Well, she sure is a pretty darn good one!

We have been having so much fun lately. I keep thinking, "this is such a fun age", but it is funny, because at every age, I just keep saying that. Every age is such a fun age (except maybe screaming, crying, don't understand what life is all about teeny weenie infant stage), and it just seems to be getting better. I am wondering when it will stop getting better. I mean, it seems like there will be a ceiling to the funness. There can only be so much fun that a person can have, right? How does every day seem to be just a little more fun? It has to stop one day. Maybe it will be when she hits her terrible twos.... maybe it will be when she hits her rebellious teenage years.... maybe it will be the day that she puts me into a nursing home.... maybe it will be..... never. I don't want to ever stop having fun being a parent. Even when I am put into a nursing home. (Ella, if you are reading this one day, it does not mean that you should put me in a nursing home. I won't be much trouble, really!)

Well, I will worry about that some other day. Today, I am having fun. Yesterday I had fun. Tomorrow I will have fun.

Here are some pics of the fun we had today.

Sweatband Ella.