To Bed

Ella has been difficult to get to go to sleep at night lately. It took 2 hours and 45 minutes to get Ella to go to sleep last night. Yes, you read that right, 2 hours and 45 minutes! This is how bedtime went:

Around 7ish, we start noticing that we have a baby that is getting tired. She does not get sleepy, she starts to get fussy. At this point we usually have bath already done and jammies ready.

Next, I take her to the bedroom and we have a nice little snuggle/nurse time. She drifts off and I have a fleeting hope that maybe, just maybe tonight she will go right down to bed without a fight. I slowly, oh so slowly, start to scoot myself to the edge of the bed. Each move I make she begins to suck again. I do not remove her from her security latch yet. I pause between each movement. The bed creaks and I wince as she kicks her legs and starts sucking once again. Okay, she is settled back down again. I unlatch her from the breast. Everything is okay so far. Oops, back on the breast again. Hmmm, that is not going to work. I think I will try the pacifier. I try the sneak pull the baby off the breast and quick stick the pacifier in her mouth. Smooth transition. I feel smug. I got this in the bag this time. I slowly put her into her hammock. Eyes pop open and stare right at me. She looks at me like, "How dare you!". She doesn't immediately fuss. I think that maybe, just maybe if I stay in there and rock and bounce her hammock she will drift off to sleep. Wishful thinking. She keeps yanking the pacifier from her mouth, turning her head side to side and kicking her legs. I know if I leave her in the room, she will just scream, so I pick her up and half heartedly try to bounce her on the ball for a few minutes. She does not seem sleepy at all. Her 10 minute nurse/snooze has refreshed her. Time to play. I dejectedly walk out of the room with baby in tow. The baby daddy looks at me and says, "I was afraid that is what I was going to see". I give a tired smile and Ella and I go to the couch to watch a few minutes of a movie I have been trying to get through for a couple days. I am 18 minutes into it. She sits contentedly on the couch with me for about 10 minutes. I am now 28 minutes into my movie. Instead of nicely drifting to sleep, she starts to get fussy again. Time to start try number 2. Baby daddy's turn. He bounces her for a few minutes. All I hear is crying. He comes out of the room. Has not given up yet. He wants to try a "dance party". This is when we turn on pandora radio, turn the lights off and dance while holding Ella. Sometimes it soothes her to sleep. Not this time. I decide to try again. Back to my fall back, nursing. She starts to drift off to sleep. Maybe this time it will work. This time I skip the pacifier and go right for the hammock. This doesn't work either. She wakes up again. I walk dejectedly out of the room again saying, "I give up!" Baby daddy decides to try again. He holds her in the bedroom. She just screams. This goes on for about a half hour until I can't stand it anymore. I feel like my heart is being wrenched out. Why won't she just go to sleep? I go back in there, take her from baby daddy and hold her close while bouncing her on the ball. 20 minutes later I put her asleep in the hammock. Whew, one more night down. Or at least until she wakes up in a few hours ready to nurse. The good thing about babies is that they change so fast that everything is temporary. One day soon, we will be able to lay her down at night and she will go right to sleep. I am sure of it.....

On a brighter note, she has been taking lovely naps. She goes right to sleep and wakes up smiling and refreshed about 1-2 hours later. She is much better during the day and takes such delight in everything around her. Everything is new and wonderful to her and her laugh will absolutely melt your heart.

No one can tell you how hard, difficult, heart wrenching, terrifying and completely beautiful, wonderful and amazing parenthood can be. And this is only the beginning.

Thanksgiving

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. Yesterday was Ella's first Thanksgiving. And though she could not partake in the feast (at least not first hand), it was a special day for the whole family. It was also especially special for me because I had Ella's aunt, uncles, Nana, and Papa to help take care of her so I could get just a little R and R. There were actually people almost arguing over who got to "bounce" her to sleep for her naps. I got to read half of a magazine (yes, it was a parenting magazine) Mmmmm, the luxury! For most of the day, there were no fewer than 2 people gazing upon the babe.

I am especially thankful this year. I try to be thankful every year on Thanksgiving and of course try to be thankful every day other than Thanksgiving, but at least there is a day set aside to really remember what you are thankful for. I like Thanksgiving because it is really one of the only (if not the only) holiday that is not selfish (except maybe the part about getting to feast on huge, delicious quantities of food). This year I am thankful for many things. I am so thankful to have a healthy baby girl. I am so thankful to be in a position where I only have to work a couple of days a week so that I can spend most of my time raising my baby girl. I am so thankful to have my mom close by and that she is willing to come and take care of my baby girl on the days that I do have to work. I am so thankful to have such a wonderful, loving husband and father of my baby girl. I am so thankful that I am healthy and all those that are dear and close to me are healthy. I am so thankful to have enough food to eat. I feel like the luckiest person in the world.

Now time to recount the feast. For those of you that don't know, I am eating dairy free at the moment. As it turns out, my baby girl, is allergic to cow's milk protein. Or so it seems. She has had significant GI distress and blood in her stool which has improved dramatically since I went off of dairy. It is especially difficult to stop eating dairy. It is hard enough to stop eating ice-cream, butter and consuming milk, but there are also a plethora of other foods that have dairy products in them. Whey, casiene, and all derivatives. Even those products that advertise "dairy free" are not actually dairy free to my chagrin. Even hot dogs, deli meat, and even some brands of canned tuna have dairy product in them! Okay, enough about that. But this leads me to my Thanksgiving Day feast. I was a little concerned that perhaps my feast may not be as delicious as it has in previous years. I need not have worried. As it turns out, coconut milk is an excellent substitute for milk in a lot of dishes. So this is what I ate:

Turkey and coconut milk gravy

Vegan green bean casserole (which I made) made with coconut milk

Balsamic and brown sugar glazed carrots ( I also made this dish)

Sweet potato and pecan dish

Rolls with dairy free margarine

Homemade cranberry salad

Homemade applesauce

I decided not to partake of my allotment of coconut milk mashed potatoes because it turned out more like coconut mashed potato soup.

For dessert: dairy free pies: pumpkin pie made with real pumpkin and coconut milk; pecan chocolate chip pie; cranberry pie; all topped with a little vanilla bean coconut milk ice cream.

So I think maybe I should buy stock in coconut. And I guess we will see if Ella is at all allergic to coconut!

Ella hanging out with one of her canine friends, Bean on Thanksgiving day.

All in all, a great day. Ella even did not pitch a screaming fit when it was bed time.

What a Day.

Hair Loss

So, every time I take a shower I lose enough hair to equal about the size of one of my Chihuahuas.

There could be five possible reasons for this.

1. I am going bald

2. I am so tired and stressed out that I am losing my hair

3. Our drain is tired of being clean

4. I need to make room for the grey hairs

5. I didn't lose any hair while pregnant (a nice side effect that keeps a nice, full head of healthy looking hair to go with the whale of a body) and so now my body is making up for it

Which one do you think it is?

Date Night

Okay, so Eli and I had a date tonight. Let's just say that it was quite interesting and just a little different than it used to be. Let me explain.

We decided to venture out of our cozy little home tonight with our precious darling girl Ella. A friend from work was having an art show and we thought that we shouldn't miss such an event. So, we left the house after a diaper change, clothes change (Ella), diaper bag pack, cute little shoes on Ella, but they didn't stay, so changed back into socks, then finally ready to go. Strap the baby in and load up in the car. That was the easy part.

We get to the art show no problem. Put Ella in the Beco baby carrier and strap her on Eli. So far so good. We grin at each other and think, "see, we still have lives, we can still go out for a nice evening." We look at all the wood art, talk to a few people. Someone says, "what a well behaved baby", we look at each other and grin again. Okay, baby now starting to get a wee bit fussy. We have been there for about 10 minutes. It is about 6:15. Eli bouncing and swaying up and down now. Time to leave.

So, what about dinner? I am very hungry at this point. I haven't hardly eaten all day because I am going dairy free due to baby GI upsets and today just on a whim, I decided to avoid wheat as well. Got to figure out why she is not sleeping at night. We decide that sitting down to dinner would be a tragedy at this point. What should we do? Well, we start our walk back to the car and pass a cute little new restaurant called Chai Pani, a "street Indian fare" with a walk up counter. Perfect. We enter the restaurant. Ella is momentarily calmed. But then the fussing continues. So Eli decides what he wants, tells me and decides to walk around Asheville for a while while I order and wait for the food. So, I order while they continue on. I sit at the bar and order a $1 PBR. Can't beat that. This night is rocking! When the food arrives I carry it out and meet up with my husband and now quiet and happy baby. We continue our walk back to the car. We pass the local independent bookstore, Malaprops, and see a calendar in the window that we want to take a look at. Title, "Freaks in Asheville". We used to take some nice inexpensive date nights here. Sipping on some coffee and reading a little together. Why not?, let's enter. We walk in, find the calendar, flip through the first couple pages. Baby beginning to ramp up again. Okay, time to go. Quick kiss in the aisle so we can call it a date and back out onto the street and onward to the waiting vehicle. Strap the baby back into her carseat and drive home. She cries the whole way home. We are back in our snug and cozy home by 7:45. I eat my take-out Indian food while Eli puts Ella in her jammies. He eats while I nurse her. Okay, time to try to bounce her to sleep. Whew, she actually went to sleep. So far. Did anyone ever warn me that things would change after having a baby? It is a good thing she is so darn cute.

Looking old

I have figured out why people with kids always seemed to look so much older to me than those of the same age without kids. It is lack of sleep for sure.

Before Ella

I can't remember what life was like before Ella. People tell you that when you are pregnant. They say, "everything will change," "it is the greatest thing ever", "you will forget what your life was like before kids". All true statements to be sure. I knew things would change. Of course they were going to change, I mean come on, I am having a baby! That one was an obvious. And I sure was hoping that it would be the greatest thing ever. But the not really remembering what life was like before? That one was hard to comprehend. But I have found it to be true. I have vague recollections of a life where I would come home from work, get on my bicycle, go for a ride, eat dinner at say 9 PM, watch some TV show or read a book and go to bed around 11 PM or so. Staying up late on the weekends to watch a movie with the hubby and sleeping in on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Getting good solid night sleep. Going for long all day bike rides with my friends. Okay, I am starting to remember what it was like. But the funny thing is that those things seem trivial now. They were once so important, and I feared losing them. Now, they seem a small piece of the life pie and the bigger piece is the family that Eli and I are creating. Not to say that I don't miss the pre Ella activities, because sometimes I do. But having her seems greater than what I might be missing. I have been there and done that and I am pretty sure that one day I will sleep again and probably even go out on all day bike rides.

But this time with Ella, I treasure. When I look at her sometimes I think that my heart might explode and I wonder how it is possible to love something this much.

Sleep

I used to think I like to sleep. But I have found that sleep is overrated. It is amazing how well a person can function without sleeping. I can walk from one room to another and completely forget why I came in there, but sometimes, just sometimes if I walk back to where I started I will remember what it was. I am beginning to think that dark circles are becoming (and Eli of course agrees with me). And I am getting a lot of good practice waking up and falling back to sleep. Which I probably have only done about 136, 456, 871 times since I was born. (Half of which have been in the past 4 months). In fact, I am so used to not sleeping that when Ella happens to actually sleep for more than say 3 hours at a time (a rare occasion) I wake up anyway and wonder, why is she still sleeping. Is she sick?

As you may have noticed, the above pictures are from when Ella was quite a bit younger. That is because she does not sleep now. She is the amazing non-sleeping baby. Okay, actually, she does sleep, but it is so precious a time, that I dare not try to use the camera to take a picture lest it wake her up. And there have been many a time that I have felt like strangling one of my endearing little pups when they have decided to start a barking fest just as she is drifting off to sleep in that precarious state between sleep and awake. Right on the brink where she likes to hover for so long to give ample opportunity for something to keep her on this side of wakefulness. Sometimes the only thing that keeps me from booting the dogs out the door and on to the street is thinking about Lady and the Tramp. Poor Lady. Poor Tater, Pita, Lola, Yogi.

But then one of my sanguine pups walks by Ella and she lets out a big belly laugh and flails her arms towards them and I think, yep, she takes after her mom. And I decide not to break out the euthanasia solution.

Gramp meets Ella

Yesterday my Gramp (Ella's Great Gramp) met Ella in person for the first time. It is very meaningful because my Gram passed away last year. Gramp flew down from CT and my mom picked him up from the airport and they drove directly to my house so he could meet her. It was very sweet and touching to see the interaction. Life continues on.

Potty Training

Okay, so here we go. I am going to try to start a blog. I have been unsuccessful in journaling up until this point in my life and have tried a blog in the past, but now I have a baby. So, you are probably thinking, 'wow, she really won't blog now', and you might be right, but I also have a little more motivation now. I have something to write about, and I have an audience. I have a feeling that grandparents, great grandparents, aunts, uncles, may be quite interested in this sort of thing. Just maybe. And maybe, just maybe my dashing, darling husband might decide he wants to post occasionally as well.

Well, the title of this entry is potty training. Yes, we have a 4 month old and it seems that potty training should be somewhere in the distant future. We started on a path called elimination communication. My dear friend Kristi Sanborne and her daughter Riley helped us on this path. Basically, you get a little potty, and when you feel that your baby needs to take a wee or a poo, you put her on the pot and make a little noise when she goes. The idea is that you learn to read your baby's signals and that after you do it enough times, your baby will try to eliminate when you make the noise that is associated with the eliminating. Like Pavlov's dogs. In theory. We just started and so at this point it is, sit the babe on the pot, hope she goes, make the noise and hope that the most of the mess makes it in the pot. Vuoala! Early potty training. So, why would I go to all the trouble to do this? What else do you have to do when hanging out with a baby all day? I can't get anything else done, so maybe I can get this done. Maybe. I am not sure I will really stick with it, but at this point it is novel and kind of fun. And if she is potty trained before she is 3 years old (very unlike her mother (me)) than I will feel like I was successful.