To Bed

Ella has been difficult to get to go to sleep at night lately. It took 2 hours and 45 minutes to get Ella to go to sleep last night. Yes, you read that right, 2 hours and 45 minutes! This is how bedtime went:

Around 7ish, we start noticing that we have a baby that is getting tired. She does not get sleepy, she starts to get fussy. At this point we usually have bath already done and jammies ready.

Next, I take her to the bedroom and we have a nice little snuggle/nurse time. She drifts off and I have a fleeting hope that maybe, just maybe tonight she will go right down to bed without a fight. I slowly, oh so slowly, start to scoot myself to the edge of the bed. Each move I make she begins to suck again. I do not remove her from her security latch yet. I pause between each movement. The bed creaks and I wince as she kicks her legs and starts sucking once again. Okay, she is settled back down again. I unlatch her from the breast. Everything is okay so far. Oops, back on the breast again. Hmmm, that is not going to work. I think I will try the pacifier. I try the sneak pull the baby off the breast and quick stick the pacifier in her mouth. Smooth transition. I feel smug. I got this in the bag this time. I slowly put her into her hammock. Eyes pop open and stare right at me. She looks at me like, "How dare you!". She doesn't immediately fuss. I think that maybe, just maybe if I stay in there and rock and bounce her hammock she will drift off to sleep. Wishful thinking. She keeps yanking the pacifier from her mouth, turning her head side to side and kicking her legs. I know if I leave her in the room, she will just scream, so I pick her up and half heartedly try to bounce her on the ball for a few minutes. She does not seem sleepy at all. Her 10 minute nurse/snooze has refreshed her. Time to play. I dejectedly walk out of the room with baby in tow. The baby daddy looks at me and says, "I was afraid that is what I was going to see". I give a tired smile and Ella and I go to the couch to watch a few minutes of a movie I have been trying to get through for a couple days. I am 18 minutes into it. She sits contentedly on the couch with me for about 10 minutes. I am now 28 minutes into my movie. Instead of nicely drifting to sleep, she starts to get fussy again. Time to start try number 2. Baby daddy's turn. He bounces her for a few minutes. All I hear is crying. He comes out of the room. Has not given up yet. He wants to try a "dance party". This is when we turn on pandora radio, turn the lights off and dance while holding Ella. Sometimes it soothes her to sleep. Not this time. I decide to try again. Back to my fall back, nursing. She starts to drift off to sleep. Maybe this time it will work. This time I skip the pacifier and go right for the hammock. This doesn't work either. She wakes up again. I walk dejectedly out of the room again saying, "I give up!" Baby daddy decides to try again. He holds her in the bedroom. She just screams. This goes on for about a half hour until I can't stand it anymore. I feel like my heart is being wrenched out. Why won't she just go to sleep? I go back in there, take her from baby daddy and hold her close while bouncing her on the ball. 20 minutes later I put her asleep in the hammock. Whew, one more night down. Or at least until she wakes up in a few hours ready to nurse. The good thing about babies is that they change so fast that everything is temporary. One day soon, we will be able to lay her down at night and she will go right to sleep. I am sure of it.....

On a brighter note, she has been taking lovely naps. She goes right to sleep and wakes up smiling and refreshed about 1-2 hours later. She is much better during the day and takes such delight in everything around her. Everything is new and wonderful to her and her laugh will absolutely melt your heart.

No one can tell you how hard, difficult, heart wrenching, terrifying and completely beautiful, wonderful and amazing parenthood can be. And this is only the beginning.