If you are reading this, and you know me, then I am sure you know I am pregnant. Very pregnant. More pregnant than I ever was with Ella. "They" say that every pregnancy is different, and every delivery is different (God, I hope that is true!), but there are some things you don't expect. Such as going over your due date when your first baby was 8 days early. Actually 10 days early going into labor and 8 days early being born.
My due date was yesterday. Or it was 3 days ago, depending on who is calculating it. But at any rate, I am at least 1 day overdue now. I know, I know, not a big deal. But try being the one who is pregnant and waiting, waiting, waiting. That due date is a far off date in the beginning. Something you know is coming. An end point way off in the future. Everyone asks, "when are you due?", oh, "not till October 8th". And then October 8th gets closer and closer. "When did Ella come?" "Oh, she was early, then this baby will probably be early too". And then early comes and goes. Then the due date comes and goes. Every second is a constant reminder that there is a baby inside, growing more and more every day that needs to come out. Every person that I see or talk to is a constant reminder that it is not over yet. Everyone is well meaning, everyone says exactly what I would be saying, "still no baby?", "any signs at all that it is getting closer?" "Do you think she has dropped yet?", "Any contractions?". What else can they say? There is not much else to say. There is not much else to talk about. I guess it would be rude if they ignored the obvious monstrosity of my ever growing belly, the frustration in my face. Part of me wants to hole up in the house and stay hidden until the end. The other part of me needs the love and support of my friends and family and need them around me.
Some good things about this baby waiting to come out:
1. Eli was able to mostly finish the projects in the house he was frantically working on.
2. I was able to get some belly pictures taken with Ella (something I didn't think I would end up having time to do)
3. We got to go to Hickory Nut Gap farm yesterday with "the fam" and Ella took her first real pony ride!
4. There is no baby yet, so overall, I am getting more sleep, more rest, and Ella still gets to be the center of attention.
Some of the down sides:
1. I am still pregnant.
2. I am still pregnant.
3. I still have labor to go through. or:
4. The later it goes, the higher chance of having to have a c-section.
I will let you in on a little secret. I really don't know if it would be that bad to have to have a scheduled c-section. I know that the best thing is to try for a VBAC (for those that don't know, that is a Vaginal Birth After C-section). If you don't have to be cut open and have your insides exposed to the outside air, that is a good thing. But....I went through A LOT of labor the first go round. A LOT. Enough for a couple of births. Enough transition for a couple births, enough pushing for a couple births. I have paid my labor dues so to speak. I don't want to go through it again. Period. I don't want an epidural either because I know the risks associated with that as well. I don't want a C-section. At least I am agreed on all aspects. I don't want any of them. So, what is a girl to do? A girl is to try to make the best, most well informed, best practice decision (which in this case is to intend for a natural, vaginal delivery), and then wait and see what happens. Maybe the decision will be out of my hands and I will have to have a c-section if I go too far past my due date. There would be a small relief in that. Out of my hands.
They all come out in the end. But when is the end? And then of course, the end is just the beginning. But that is a blog for another day.
