Monday, March 29, 2010
Ella Crawling
She has done it. She has figured out how to crawl forward. No more sitting this girl on the floor and walking away, no more haphazard rolling around the house (okay, maybe she will still do this occasionally, we call it her "combat moves"). But now, this girl can see something and go for it. Target identified, locked on target, ready, set go.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Adoption sex
Eli and I just had the equivalent of adoption sex. We sent off our first application.
When contemplating having a baby, it takes a lot of mental energy. It is a huge decision. It changes the course of your whole life. It is not to be taken lightly. It is scary, it is exciting. When the decision is made to pursue it, then something must be done to start the process. In the case of biological children, it is of course the special time between the husband and wife. The next thing you know, you are pregnant (at least in our case), and then you have the next 9 (really 10) months to figure out how to deal with the fact that a baby is coming and how to wrap your brain around it. The fact that the baby is coming is so real. You might be sick to your stomach, you might blow up like the Michelin man, you might get acne, you definitely get a big belly, you might get swollen feet, you can feel the baby moving, you can see it on ultrasound. All these little things to prepare you mentally for a baby. But the first step to start the ball a rollin is getting jiggy wid it in the bedroom. Then the ball just keeps a rollin and you are just along for the ride.
Not so with adoption. You have to really, really, really know what you want to do. It is not a spur of the moment tumble in the sack. But there is a moment when you decide, "Let's do it. Let's start this process moving." And that is what we did last night. We had adoption sex. We sent in the application. The ball has started rolling.
And we will have plenty of months to wrap our little brains around the idea that a baby is coming. The reminders will not be coming from the often uncomfortable and obvious physical changes that go along with pregnancy (thank God), but will be coming in the form of much paperwork, waiting, phone calls, waiting, court and lawyers, waiting, fingerprinting, waiting, more paperwork, waiting, traveling and lots and lots of money. I won't be suffering physically from the pregnancy, I won't be waiting, terrified of the coming labor and potential second c-section, but we will be suffering fiscally, making sacrifices, trying to figure out how we are going to pay for this.... But I keep coming back to George Michael, "I got to have faith..." God love him.
When contemplating having a baby, it takes a lot of mental energy. It is a huge decision. It changes the course of your whole life. It is not to be taken lightly. It is scary, it is exciting. When the decision is made to pursue it, then something must be done to start the process. In the case of biological children, it is of course the special time between the husband and wife. The next thing you know, you are pregnant (at least in our case), and then you have the next 9 (really 10) months to figure out how to deal with the fact that a baby is coming and how to wrap your brain around it. The fact that the baby is coming is so real. You might be sick to your stomach, you might blow up like the Michelin man, you might get acne, you definitely get a big belly, you might get swollen feet, you can feel the baby moving, you can see it on ultrasound. All these little things to prepare you mentally for a baby. But the first step to start the ball a rollin is getting jiggy wid it in the bedroom. Then the ball just keeps a rollin and you are just along for the ride.
Not so with adoption. You have to really, really, really know what you want to do. It is not a spur of the moment tumble in the sack. But there is a moment when you decide, "Let's do it. Let's start this process moving." And that is what we did last night. We had adoption sex. We sent in the application. The ball has started rolling.
And we will have plenty of months to wrap our little brains around the idea that a baby is coming. The reminders will not be coming from the often uncomfortable and obvious physical changes that go along with pregnancy (thank God), but will be coming in the form of much paperwork, waiting, phone calls, waiting, court and lawyers, waiting, fingerprinting, waiting, more paperwork, waiting, traveling and lots and lots of money. I won't be suffering physically from the pregnancy, I won't be waiting, terrified of the coming labor and potential second c-section, but we will be suffering fiscally, making sacrifices, trying to figure out how we are going to pay for this.... But I keep coming back to George Michael, "I got to have faith..." God love him.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Ella on a spring Day.
We had a beautiful spring Day. I took Ella outside and let her sit in the sunshine for a little while.
She looked so cute and it was such a nice day (since all the crappy weather we have been getting), that I took little video for posterity.
Hope you enjoy.
She looked so cute and it was such a nice day (since all the crappy weather we have been getting), that I took little video for posterity.
Hope you enjoy.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Domestic or International Adoption
Now that I have put it out there that we are planning on adopting, I can start to post about the journey. The heart journey, the mental journey, the paperwork journey, the financial journey, The Journey.
Right now we are in the stages of research and contemplation. One of the most important decisions, and one that is not easy is "from where do we want to adopt?" The broadest category being, domestic or international? There are pages and pages and oodles (yes, I said oodles) of information on the topic.
One of my questions and one that I feel like will push us in one direction or another is, where is the greatest need? Here is my quandary. We are not barren. We can have biological children, and so I do not want to be a person who "beats" someone out of the game that cannot have their own children. When contemplating domestic adoption, I take that into consideration. There are oodles (there is that word again), of organizations in the good ol' US of A that we could probably sign up with. We pay them an exorbitant amount of money, create a "dear mother" letter trying to sell ourselves as good potential parents, and then we wait until an expecting mother chooses us among other waiting, hopeful adoptive parents. I am just not sure that is for us. We want to adopt, we don't "need" to adopt. We want more kids because frankly, we are having a blast with Ella. We want a home full of laughing, happy, screaming, crying children. Not only do we want to help out a baby/child in need, we want to help ourselves out.
So, where is the need? From my current research and findings, there is a need for families wanting to adopt African American or biracial babies here in our home country. We don't want to turn our backs on our own country if it is in need. But upon further research, the need is really much greater for African American families or biracial families wanting to adopt. It makes sense, expecting mothers of African American descent often only want to place their newborns with others of the same color/race. They want to give their unborn child all the chance in the world to have as normal a life as possible. I am sure it is not easy to grow up as a minority in an interracial family. Although there is still a need for people of all colors wanting to adopt a minority child, it just doesn't seem like there is as great a need as we might find elsewhere. But, we haven't completely ruled it out yet. There are many great benefits to domestic adoption - mainly, you get the infant usually fresh out of the oven, so there will probably be less attachment issues, and you get a better idea of the medical condition of the baby and prenatal care of the birth mother. Big plusses.
And then you have a large variety of international options. It does seem like there is such a great need for adoptive parents in many places in the world. Maybe a greater need than domestic adoption. But one has to weigh the options. A baby from another country will be older, having already undergone possible and probable traumas, a good medical history is most likely unknown, and we would be taking a baby from their culture. I feel there is definite value in being raised in one's own culture, but I am not blinded to the honest truth that there are some countries that just cannot support and feed all of their population, sad as it is. The need is definitely there, and it would help ease the burden on the country as well as provide financial support to the orphanages to purchase food, formula, diapers, etc for the orphans. It seems a "noble" cause.
Which actually, may I digress for a quick moment? We are not considering adoption to be "noble". It is in no way a sacrifice on our parts, or is it altruistic in any way. Babies and children make us happy. We want more so that we can have more happiness and hopefully to be able to share some happiness with a child that needs some in their life as well. We want a large family, I don't want to give birth, be pregnant many more times. We want to adopt a child that needs us, so we can feel good about ourselves and the fact that we are helping someone already born and not bringing more people into the world to use it's resources. The need goes both ways. We need/want a baby to adopt, hopefully a baby will be out there in need of a home, and the four of us (Eli, I, baby Ella and unknown baby) will come together and create a larger, more loving, happier, more fulfilled life because we are all in it together.
I think I will wrap up this post because I have realized it is starting to get kind of long. There is plenty more to discuss/ blog about on this subject and I will save it for another day.
Thanks for reading.
Right now we are in the stages of research and contemplation. One of the most important decisions, and one that is not easy is "from where do we want to adopt?" The broadest category being, domestic or international? There are pages and pages and oodles (yes, I said oodles) of information on the topic.
One of my questions and one that I feel like will push us in one direction or another is, where is the greatest need? Here is my quandary. We are not barren. We can have biological children, and so I do not want to be a person who "beats" someone out of the game that cannot have their own children. When contemplating domestic adoption, I take that into consideration. There are oodles (there is that word again), of organizations in the good ol' US of A that we could probably sign up with. We pay them an exorbitant amount of money, create a "dear mother" letter trying to sell ourselves as good potential parents, and then we wait until an expecting mother chooses us among other waiting, hopeful adoptive parents. I am just not sure that is for us. We want to adopt, we don't "need" to adopt. We want more kids because frankly, we are having a blast with Ella. We want a home full of laughing, happy, screaming, crying children. Not only do we want to help out a baby/child in need, we want to help ourselves out.
So, where is the need? From my current research and findings, there is a need for families wanting to adopt African American or biracial babies here in our home country. We don't want to turn our backs on our own country if it is in need. But upon further research, the need is really much greater for African American families or biracial families wanting to adopt. It makes sense, expecting mothers of African American descent often only want to place their newborns with others of the same color/race. They want to give their unborn child all the chance in the world to have as normal a life as possible. I am sure it is not easy to grow up as a minority in an interracial family. Although there is still a need for people of all colors wanting to adopt a minority child, it just doesn't seem like there is as great a need as we might find elsewhere. But, we haven't completely ruled it out yet. There are many great benefits to domestic adoption - mainly, you get the infant usually fresh out of the oven, so there will probably be less attachment issues, and you get a better idea of the medical condition of the baby and prenatal care of the birth mother. Big plusses.
And then you have a large variety of international options. It does seem like there is such a great need for adoptive parents in many places in the world. Maybe a greater need than domestic adoption. But one has to weigh the options. A baby from another country will be older, having already undergone possible and probable traumas, a good medical history is most likely unknown, and we would be taking a baby from their culture. I feel there is definite value in being raised in one's own culture, but I am not blinded to the honest truth that there are some countries that just cannot support and feed all of their population, sad as it is. The need is definitely there, and it would help ease the burden on the country as well as provide financial support to the orphanages to purchase food, formula, diapers, etc for the orphans. It seems a "noble" cause.
Which actually, may I digress for a quick moment? We are not considering adoption to be "noble". It is in no way a sacrifice on our parts, or is it altruistic in any way. Babies and children make us happy. We want more so that we can have more happiness and hopefully to be able to share some happiness with a child that needs some in their life as well. We want a large family, I don't want to give birth, be pregnant many more times. We want to adopt a child that needs us, so we can feel good about ourselves and the fact that we are helping someone already born and not bringing more people into the world to use it's resources. The need goes both ways. We need/want a baby to adopt, hopefully a baby will be out there in need of a home, and the four of us (Eli, I, baby Ella and unknown baby) will come together and create a larger, more loving, happier, more fulfilled life because we are all in it together.
I think I will wrap up this post because I have realized it is starting to get kind of long. There is plenty more to discuss/ blog about on this subject and I will save it for another day.
Thanks for reading.
News on Adoption Tax Credit.
Good news!
The adoption tax credit has been extended through 2011 and increased by $1,000. It was signed into law with the Health Care Reform the other day. It is still only temporary and is set to expire, so we still need to contact our representatives to request it be made permanent, but it is looking good for Eli and I to adopt! We just have to try to get it done by the end of 2011. Seems like a long way off, but when it comes to adoption timelines, it is really just around the corner.
Excerpt from USA Today online:
Taxpayers who adopt children:
•Effective in 2010, the bill makes the adoption credit refundable, increases the credit by $1,000 and extends the increased adoption credit through 2011.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Adoption Tax Credit
As I have been researching adoption, I have found that it is very, very expensive. No matter what route you take, international or infant domestic adoption. Like $20,000 at the least to $45,000 at the top end! Who can afford that? Not us, that is for sure. But right now there is something called the Federal Adoption Tax Credit that allows people like Eli and I to get a $12,000+ tax credit if we adopt. This would take a huge chunk out of the financial burden. But there is a problem.
THE ADOPTION TAX CREDIT IS SUPPOSED TO EXPIRE AT THE END OF THIS YEAR!
That is extremely unfortunate as it has been around for the last 10 years and has increased with inflation. Right now there are bills in the Senate and the House of Representatives to help save the tax credit.
SAVE THE TAX CREDIT! SAVE THE TAX CREDIT!
Not only for our benefit, but it will help SO MANY others be able to adopt that couldn't otherwise and will keep more kids out of the social system!
Here is what you can do. Find your representatives by going here. You can EMAIL THEM! And then EMAIL YOUR LEGISLATORS AND CALL THEM AS WELL. Please, it only takes a moment of you time.
This is what I wrote to them, very short and sweet. Feel free to copy and paste.
Please support the extension of the adoption tax credit to help make it more affordable for people to adopt children and to keep more children out of the social services system. Please support and vote in favor of bill H.R. 213 in the House and bill S.2816 in the Senate. Thank you!--
Monday, March 15, 2010
Catching Trolls
Have you ever caught a troll? Well I happen to know that someone has.
Here is a true story, not just an urban legend. Names will remain anonymous.
A friend of a relative of ours was asked to "watch" an adult with Down's Syndrome while the mother (a friend of the friend) was out of town. This adult with Down's was fully capable of looking after himself during the day. She was just asked to stay with him in the evening.
The first day, she kept getting calls from him while she was at work. He kept telling her, "I have caught a troll." She did not know what he was talking about. When she arrived at his house that evening after work, she found that he had a closet door barricaded with chairs and other various furniture stating that he had the troll in there. So, she removed the barricade and took a peek inside.....
There was a midget locked inside that had been by earlier that morning to share his religion as a Jehovah's witness! The guy with Down's had taken him for a troll and locked him in the closet.
After he was released and calmed down, he decided not to press charges.
Wouldn't that be interesting, "I was mistaken for a troll and locked in a closet all day...."
Just thought you might want a laugh today. And it really is a true story!
Maybe he looked something like this:
Here is a true story, not just an urban legend. Names will remain anonymous.
A friend of a relative of ours was asked to "watch" an adult with Down's Syndrome while the mother (a friend of the friend) was out of town. This adult with Down's was fully capable of looking after himself during the day. She was just asked to stay with him in the evening.
The first day, she kept getting calls from him while she was at work. He kept telling her, "I have caught a troll." She did not know what he was talking about. When she arrived at his house that evening after work, she found that he had a closet door barricaded with chairs and other various furniture stating that he had the troll in there. So, she removed the barricade and took a peek inside.....
There was a midget locked inside that had been by earlier that morning to share his religion as a Jehovah's witness! The guy with Down's had taken him for a troll and locked him in the closet.
After he was released and calmed down, he decided not to press charges.
Wouldn't that be interesting, "I was mistaken for a troll and locked in a closet all day...."
Just thought you might want a laugh today. And it really is a true story!
Maybe he looked something like this:
Friday, March 12, 2010
Ella not eating Cheerios
Here is a short and sweet video of Ella for you addicts out there.
Ella not eating cheerios.
Ella not eating cheerios.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Thinking about adoption
Eli and I are thinking about adoption. Yep, if this is news to you, you heard right. We are giving serious consideration to adopting our second child.
You might wonder, or ask why. So for you, I will create a numbered list.
You might wonder, or ask why. So for you, I will create a numbered list.
- Being pregnant was hard for an athletic person like myself.
- Labor was really, really, hard. And I don't much like the idea of possibly having my abdomen cut open again anytime real soon.
- Even though I had a c-section, I still am dealing with the after effects of very strong pushing for 5 hours.
- We think we want a pretty big family (by today's standards), but don't feel good about bringing more babies into the world than would take to replace us (so for those who have trouble with math, that would be 2)
- We feel blessed and lucky to have such a wonderful life and would love to share our life with a child in need of a good family.
- Adopting the second child would give my body more time to recover before getting pregnant again.
- It would bring diversity to our family.
- Why not?
- There are thousands and thousands of orphans around the world that need parents to love them and care for them.
- Just because we want to.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Showing a house with a baby and dogs stinks
So, what good is a blog if you don't get to vent just a little every once in a while. I mean this is kind of like my online journal. Not kind of, it is because I am not good at keeping a personal journal.
So, here is my vent. I am sick and tired of showing our house. I know it is our decision to try to sell, we don't have to sell, if we dropped our price it would probably sell soon, yadayadayada, but it is a real pain in the unspeakables to have to arrange showings around Ella's naps and bed, get the house cleaned up, get all the various and sundry animals put in various and sundry places, get out of the house, have to basically put your life on hold, can't cook dinner, can't start any messy projects.......
Showing after showing, and virtually no bites. The traffic has been good, the offers have been few.
Why do we do this to ourselves? I have a theory. I think we thrive on chaos. We need chaos in order to make order. When life gets too predictable, we have to go and shake it up. It is not enough to have a baby anymore, that took some making order out of chaos. And it has only been orderly for about 2 months, long enough for us to put our house on the market to create more chaos. But this chaos has no end at the moment. Hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And it has really only been about 2 months I think. Less than the average time to sell a house.
But we were so sure. Our house would sell so quick, our house is so cute, everyone would be fighting for our house....We love our house, and so should everyone else.
I think we get our feelings hurt just a little. Why are all these people passing up our great little abode? What is not to like?
Maybe we should just decide to stay here. Make it work with a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom house. We could fit quite a few kids in that large second bedroom..... Add on one day when we have some more money.....
Well, for now, I guess we will just keep on. Wait for the first time homebuyer credit to run out before we take it off the market. Keep the chaos for now, possibly add more chaos if it sells and we have to move and then begin creating order. Or it doesn't sell, we take it off the market, and order reigns once more in the Day household.
What a day.
So, here is my vent. I am sick and tired of showing our house. I know it is our decision to try to sell, we don't have to sell, if we dropped our price it would probably sell soon, yadayadayada, but it is a real pain in the unspeakables to have to arrange showings around Ella's naps and bed, get the house cleaned up, get all the various and sundry animals put in various and sundry places, get out of the house, have to basically put your life on hold, can't cook dinner, can't start any messy projects.......
Showing after showing, and virtually no bites. The traffic has been good, the offers have been few.
Why do we do this to ourselves? I have a theory. I think we thrive on chaos. We need chaos in order to make order. When life gets too predictable, we have to go and shake it up. It is not enough to have a baby anymore, that took some making order out of chaos. And it has only been orderly for about 2 months, long enough for us to put our house on the market to create more chaos. But this chaos has no end at the moment. Hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And it has really only been about 2 months I think. Less than the average time to sell a house.
But we were so sure. Our house would sell so quick, our house is so cute, everyone would be fighting for our house....We love our house, and so should everyone else.
I think we get our feelings hurt just a little. Why are all these people passing up our great little abode? What is not to like?
Maybe we should just decide to stay here. Make it work with a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom house. We could fit quite a few kids in that large second bedroom..... Add on one day when we have some more money.....
Well, for now, I guess we will just keep on. Wait for the first time homebuyer credit to run out before we take it off the market. Keep the chaos for now, possibly add more chaos if it sells and we have to move and then begin creating order. Or it doesn't sell, we take it off the market, and order reigns once more in the Day household.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Follow Me
So, I know there are a few people reading my blog. Maybe not many, but a few. Do me a favor and "follow" my blog, so I know you are reading. It will make me feel good. :)
Just click on the little "follow" button on the right side of the blog and follow the directions. Then your cute little picture (or shadow) picture will pop up and I will look cool cause I have people following it. Not that I care about appearances or anything..... it is for your own good. I know you want all the latest and greatest news about Ella and the Day household.
So, just FYI.
Just click on the little "follow" button on the right side of the blog and follow the directions. Then your cute little picture (or shadow) picture will pop up and I will look cool cause I have people following it. Not that I care about appearances or anything..... it is for your own good. I know you want all the latest and greatest news about Ella and the Day household.
So, just FYI.
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