Before Ella

I can't remember what life was like before Ella. People tell you that when you are pregnant. They say, "everything will change," "it is the greatest thing ever", "you will forget what your life was like before kids". All true statements to be sure. I knew things would change. Of course they were going to change, I mean come on, I am having a baby! That one was an obvious. And I sure was hoping that it would be the greatest thing ever. But the not really remembering what life was like before? That one was hard to comprehend. But I have found it to be true. I have vague recollections of a life where I would come home from work, get on my bicycle, go for a ride, eat dinner at say 9 PM, watch some TV show or read a book and go to bed around 11 PM or so. Staying up late on the weekends to watch a movie with the hubby and sleeping in on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Getting good solid night sleep. Going for long all day bike rides with my friends. Okay, I am starting to remember what it was like. But the funny thing is that those things seem trivial now. They were once so important, and I feared losing them. Now, they seem a small piece of the life pie and the bigger piece is the family that Eli and I are creating. Not to say that I don't miss the pre Ella activities, because sometimes I do. But having her seems greater than what I might be missing. I have been there and done that and I am pretty sure that one day I will sleep again and probably even go out on all day bike rides.

But this time with Ella, I treasure. When I look at her sometimes I think that my heart might explode and I wonder how it is possible to love something this much.